Josh and I are having complicated schedules this week. Monday I had both an early and a late meeting so he came home early for me. Then, our nanny called last night to let us know that she needed to take her son to the doctor this morning. I had more meetings this morning, so Josh agreed to stay home until she got here. And then, we promptly forgot. So this morning, since I didn't have a meeting until 9, Josh went off to work a little before 8. And when our nanny called at 8:30 to let me know when she would be here, I realized that we had made a mistake. First we considered having Josh come home so I could go to work and then I thought about it (for about a second) and realized that every time I think I really have to go to work, I end up thinking that it wasn't as important or urgent as I thought and I could have had that time with my kids. So I stayed home until 1 and then went to work. And I got to play on the floor with my boy and build train tracks. And I got to cuddle with my girl who was feeling pretty mellow this morning. It was awesome. But now I am totally confused about what day it is because splitting my day between parenting and working has robbed me of all coherent brain cells.
As I walked to work, I thought about what is more difficult - working or parenting? And I'm definitely thinking it is parenting. The responsibility to teach your kids so that they grow up to be great adults is terrifying. I may feel this more right now because we crossed over that line with Thomas where he really understands what I mean when I say no. And I can see the little wheels turning in his head "do I have to listen? Do I have to do what Mommy says?" and I think about all of the times he will have to make that decision - with teachers and other parents and at church and it is my responsibility to teach him that I really do mean it. That there are things that are not up for negotiation (you can't hit people, you need to listen, you can't have everything you want the moment you want it, etc). I'm really grateful that we don't have to do this alone and I'm sad for all of the parents without the support system of grandparents, aunts and uncles and myriad others who care for their kids. Because this is not something I could do by myself and it would be hard if it was just Josh and I without our parents and brothers and sisters.
It is Tuesday. I got to hang out with my kids today. We had a fun time hanging out with them after work, too. And that means tomorrow is Wednesday and I have to be out the door pretty early, so I am off to do a little more reading and a lot of sleeping.